|
|
So I Haven't Posted Anything Here In Forever, And You Wouldve Thought That I Would With All The Stuff Going On With Me. But I Guess I Did The Opposite From What Most "Marine Girlfriends" Would Do, & Pulled Away From Everyone. Maybe Next Week Ill Put My Social Life Back Together
Today I'm Taking My First Major Trip By Myself.
Plane, Taxis, Hotel Everything
Just Me.
& I'm Going Across The Country
I Couldn't Be More Excited<3
Oh & My Bday's Monday;Yayy Me =D
I Had A Life
& Goals
& Had People Who Cared About Me?
....Yeah Me Too.... Thu, Jul. 10th, 2008, 09:46 am
So What Do You Do When Your Whole Life Plan.....Breaks Into A MIllion Pieces?
I Don't Know What I Want Anymore, I'm So Lost & Confused....
I Wanna Run Away
So I Quit Forever 21
I HATED IT, & I Know I Only Worked There For A Short Time
But I Don't Think I Should Be THAT Miserable Almost Crying At Work
Yeah I Understand Its Work, But I Shouldnt Have To Tourture Myself.
I Have An Interview At Abercrombie & Fitch On Tuesday
Hopefully This Will Go Better....
I Want A Whole New Style
So I Can Feel Comfortable Being So Damn Skinny
I Want To Punch Every Doctor In The Face....
"Lets Keep Her On Meds That Fcuk Up Her Hormones!"
"Lets Keep Her On Such A High Dosage That Shes Outta Skewl For Four Days!"
"Oh, Thats Not A Symptom Of This Medication!"....
FUCK YOU!
You Lower My Meds Finally,After 3 Months Of Hell & I FEEL GREAT
Now Fix The Fact That I'm Losing 3lbs Every Month Before I Dispear? Please?
I Don't Wanna Shop In The Childrens Section...But I'm Loving Being So Skinny...
But Shoppings Been So Fustrating...Help?
Oh & This Weekend Was Fcukn Amazing.
Working Two Jobs Is Not
& Being Barley Sober Since Thurs. Has Been Amazing
& Now I KNow I Can Deff. Live Without My Parents
I'm So Gettn Out Of Here =D
The Past Two Days Have Been Amazing
I Got A Job At Forever 21 For The Summer, I'm So Excited
I'm In Such A Good Place Right Now, & Things Are Just Looking Up =D
Alls I Wanna Do Is Party, Lets Go<3
Wed, Mar. 5th, 2008, 05:15 am
=D
I Got Into Berkley In NYC For Fashion Merchandising & Marketing
I'm So Fuckn Happy =D
I'm Finally Fucking 18! I Actually FEEL Older, Is That Weird?
My Friends Are The Best Ever, & Last Night Was So Much Fun
My Boyfriend Is Amazing & I Love Him More Than Anything =]
I Cannot Wait To Have Enough Money To Get A Tattoo.
So To Update On Reality....
I Hate Reality, I Wish It Could Be My Birthday For Ever Because Minus My Dads Ambushes In The Morning Which Lead To Me Crying Twice In The Matter Of An Hour
I Wasn't Forced To Think About The Way I Completely Fucked Up My Life.
I'm Not Going To FIT, I Changed My Major
& Now Getting Into A College This Late Is Going To Be Extremely Hard
My Plan: Go To Any College For Fashion Marketing & Management For A Semester
& Than Transfer Back To FIT In The Spring
What's Likely To Happen? I'm Gonna End Up Doing Nothing For A Semester & Fuck Up My Chances To Get Into FIT Again
Ive Never Been Soo Stressed Out & Confused In My Life
& It Sucks Because Its Showing In Other Parts Of My Life, Like My Random Freak Outs =/
As Much As I Want To Grow Up, Get The Fcuk Outta Here & Move On
I Might Have Fucked Up My Only Chance To Do It =[
Tue, Feb. 12th, 2008, 06:00 am
I'm Living My Worst Nightmare
& I Feel Like The Biggest Loser/Failure Ever.
Don't Talk To Me....
Tue, Feb. 5th, 2008, 03:02 pm
So Its A New Year, & All I Want To Do Is Grow Up
New Years Was A Blast, I Love Parties & Wish More Were Like That One
For Once There Was No Drama, There Was Just Fun
I Actually Made Friends Instead Of Losing Them, I Finally Got My New Years Kiss, Even If He Did Than Go Pass Out Lol. I Barley Remember Anything After 9...It Was An Amazing Night...& Waking Up The Next Morning, Next To Him...& Than All Sitting Around Talking About What We Remembered...Priceless =]
I Won't Get Used To This, I Won't Get Used To Being Gone
We Still Haven't Made Up...That Makes Me Wanna Cry
I Thought You Actually Cared About Me, I Guess Not.
I Hate How We Don't Look At Each Other, Act Like The Other Isn't There
Even When Were All Standing Together....Everything Has Changed.
The Past Year Has Changed Everything.
Ive Lost So Much, But Gained Too
I Can't Call Almost Anyone From Last Year My Friends, Because Half Of Aren't In My Life Anymore
But Ill Never Lose Them, Whats Here Isn't Going Away, And It Is Sort Of A Comfort To Be Able To Say
When I Come To Visit, Ill Know Exactually Were To Find You Guys, This Won't Change.
Smoke on Your Pipe, & But That In It!
West Side Story Is Amazing
Come See It, Ive Worked My Ass Off For It =]
My Birthday Is In 11 Days =]
& I Don't Think I Can Look At This The Same
Every Since Last Weekend Ive Been So Confused
I Can't Say I'm Sorry For What Happened,
Half Of Me Wants To Scream In Your Faces...."YOUVE DONE THIS TOO US SO MANY TIMES"
& The Other Half Wants To Run Up To Them & Say I'm Sorry.
I Also Feel Like Im The Only One Who Feels Guilty
But That Could Also Be Because Half Have Been Forgiven.
It Could Also Be Because Im Just So Sick Of Losing People
Especially Over Such Stupid Shit.
But Honestly I Don't Think This Is Something Everyones Going To Just Let Blow Over,
Which Sucks, We All Used To Have So Much Fun.... When Did We All Decide To Be Assholes Towards Each Other?
Shit, I Gotta Deal With The Fact That I Did You Wrong
FOREVER.
So To Top Off My Amazing Week You Had To Bring This Shit Up
Almost Two Years Ago, Two-Fcukn-Years-Ago.
There Not Even Together Anymore, & You Two Broke Up & Got Back Together
I'm Completely Different, & Shes Not Even Around Anymore
Its Not Like I Was The Only One.
I Feel So Guilty, Basically Because You Trusted Me, But That Was After The Fact
We Were All So Fcuked Up, So Young, So Out Of Control
Even The Parents Could See That, Why Couldn't We?
I Miss When We Where All So Close
But This Week I Realized, Yeah We Were Close
But We Were Fcukn Each Other Over Behind Each Others Backs
For Once In My Life, I Want Friends I Can Truly Call My Friends.
So Ive Changed. The Past Two Years Have All Been Change
I Went From The Innocent Little Girl Who Was Sheltered
To Damaged, Volunerable, & Abused
To The Girl Who Didn't Care What Happened To Her, Out Of Control, Self Abusive;Addict.
To Finally Getting Some Control Back, Some Self Respect Back
To Finding The People Who Grounded Me, Made Me Better, Made Me Finally Happy.
&&& I Don't Understand Why People Have A Problem With Who I Am Now.
Wed, Jul. 11th, 2007, 06:06 pm
So Im Using This To Say Thank You
Thank You To Everyone Ive Met Since Feb. Everyone I Met That Weekend I Came Back From FL. Everyone I Met Because Of Those People I Met That Weekend.
Everyone Who Has Yelled At Me, When I Needed To Be Yelled At
Even If I Yelled & Cursed Back
"We Are As Good At Hurting Others
As We Are At Hurting Ourselves"
Because Today I Realized What Wouldve Happened To Me If I Hadnt Met You All
I Would Be As Screwed Up As They Are Now
I Would Be Hurting People I Love, More Than I Do Now
I Would Be Fuckn Up My Life More Than I Could Ever Imagine
I Wouldve Lost More Of Who I Am, More Than I Had Alrdy Lost When You All Met Me
Looking Back I Realize That I/Everything Changed So Much
Last Summer & This Summer Are So Much Different
Even If They Share Some Things
Even Tho I Kno I Still Deep Down Am That Same Girl
I Know I'm Not Going To Hurt Everyone
As Much As You Are.
Because I Can Honestly Say
I'm Fuckn Hurt.
As Much As I Realize That Its Still Not Over
You Guys Have No Idea How Much You Mean To Me
You; Honest To God; Saved Me.
....I Still Want To Dance On Cars This Year......
So I Am Offically A Senior
& Ya Wanna Know What The 1st Thing I Did As A Senior Was?
I Walked Outta Skewl After 4th =]
This Summer Is Going To Be Amazing =]=]=]=]=]
After 6th Period Todaii I Am Done With Skewl Werk Until Regents, Which Are Gonna Be A Breeeze Minus Math. & ACTs 2morrow Morning Are Going To Suck.
& I Think I Fucked Up..=/
Skewl's Almost Over & I Cannot Be More Excitied
Besides Crazy Projects Like Music Theroy & The Research Paper Due Wed. That I Haven't Even Started
My LIfe Rocks =]
I Can't Wait For This Summer
Todayy Was So Much Fun
Even Tho, I'm pReety Sure Were Most Deff. Agian Hated
& Considered Horrible
& I was Tourtured By this Damn Addiction
But I Love The Kidsz I Spent Todayy With
& My Boyfriend Is The Most Amazing, Wonderful Boy Ever♥
& Nothing Can Change This <3
OH & lmao I realli cannot trust anyone =] because __________ is proff that even suttn simple can compleltly fcukm me over, kthankz
&lmao sumone show me this when im sober =]=]=]=]
|
bouncy
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
perfektdisaster's journal
depressed
excited
awake
content
lazy
worried
drunk